Librarian by Day » personal

The Four Most Valuable Lessons I Learned in 2010

Bobbi Newman — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 16:16:47 +0000

Inspired by Justin Hoenke’s great post I decided to make my own list of libraryland/professional things I learned in 2010.

1. Not everyone is going to like you

This was probably the most important and the hardest lesson I learned. I was having a conversation with a friend in April when he said these words to me, and I’ll admit at first I was pissed. Easy for him to say I thought, then I cut the conversation short and went right back to feeling slighted.

But the words stuck with me and as I thought about it, I realized the truth of them. There are plenty of people I don’t care for, some for very good reasons, others just rub me the wrong way. I try to be professional and courteous to everyone but I’m sure at some point these people have felt slighted by me. Of course if I don’t like everyone I certainly can’t expect every to like me. And I don’t want them to. I’ve always believe that if I’m not rocking at least a few boats I’m doing something wrong. If I have done all I can to connect with someone and they don’t like me I need to stop wasting my energy whining about it and move on.

I felt even better when a few months ago I stumbled across an old post of Karen Schneider’s How to be “famous” (wink wink, nudge nudge) in which she writes:

Some people will resent you no matter what. I’ve had to get comfortable with the fact that some people really do not wish others well. Some will badmouth you publicly, and even worse, some will badmouth you sotto voce. I hesitated about even writing this post, which I’ve been thinking about for close to a year, because in my head I hear a voice making snide remarks about so-and-so thinking she’s hot stuff (hence also the cautiously qualified title). But hence the next piece of advice:

Own up to your own feelings. I spent years whining that “so-and-so doesn’t like me” before I got honest with myself and acknowledged that the feeling was mutual. Likewise, boycotting an activity because another famous so-and-so was invited is also not cricket (yup, seen it happen, thought about doing it myself). Be an adult, please. You may not think highly of this person, but someone does, so put on your best public face and do what needs to be done.

If someone I admire and respect as much as Ms. Scheinder has stuggled with these feelings I must not be so horrible after all. Which leads me to my lesson:

2. Admit you are human.

A year ago I wouldn’t have written a post like this, admitting my flaws so publicly. Fortunately I know some amazing people. Every time I see a post like the one by Justin that inspired this post or the one previously linked to one by Karen I am awed and slightly jealous of the comfort they feel being open and honest. I’m not sure what I expect to happen when I open up, but when I do I amazed at the reaction from others. People, for the most part, are kind, compassionate and want to connect to and help others, even me!

While I feel I have learned this lesson this year, this area will no doubt continue to be a work in progress for me.

3. Don’t take things so personally.

For years I have hated this advice, to the extent that person offering it was risking a swift kick in the shins. I mean really, it’s happening to ME how am I supposed to take it? This year I’ve come to realize that the problem with taking things personally is it negates your ability to calmly, coolly and affectively deal with the situation. Taking it personally activates your fight or flight response neither of which works today’s world. (Unless you actually are being chased by a lion, then in that case, by all means, FLIGHT!)

A lot has happened this last year: transliteracy has grown amazingly quickly with both the blog and the Interest Group which has made the word a big target and sometimes me along with it. People have quit group projects they started with me, abandoned articles, publicly called me rude and condescending after repeatedly being rude and condescending themselves, declared my work and effort a waste of time, a joke or a ploy for attention, these things have been said publicly and occasionally privately when they thought I wouldn’t find out about it, then I did anyway.

I’ll admit it, I ranted or swore or cried or all three, occasionally at the same time. But in the end I really only have two choices: I can either accept that I have no idea what is happening in the lives of these people an assume they didn’t intend to be mean or spiteful or petty or cruel. Or I can:

4. Ignore the assholes.

I know I don’t usually swear on this blog, but I love the book The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. I think a great deal of improvement would be seen in libraries if every manager from the director on down had this book sitting in their office, proudly on display and more importantly subscribed to the practices it talks about.

Some people are just assholes, they are unhappy, miserable and petty and find great joy in spreading this around. Ignore them. Find away to remove them from your space- don’t read their blog posts or their Twitter feed, filter their emails to the trash so you never have to see one again.

Don’t misunderstand I’m not advocating never acknowledging someone who disagrees with you. It is possible to disagree or to argue without being an asshole. But the assholes are out there with their drive-by-snark, their flip comments, name calling, juvenile attempts at humor. I know some people think there is value in engaging with these individuals I do not. I find every time I give into the temptation and engage these individuals I came away feel dirty and am reminded of the words of George Bernard Shaw:

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

4.5 Haters Gonna Hate - Edited to add about 30 minutes after hitting publish, this is what I get for not sleeping on it. But its so closely tied to four I’m ok with sneaking it in here.

Have I mentioned how awesome my friends are? They are. A different friend than I mentioned in number one said this to me earlier this year. He’s right. They will. The real power is in letting it go. It may sound cliche and maybe juvenile but the truth is those people, the Haters, they are gonna hate nothing you or I do will stop them.

Some visuals on haters from two of my favorite blogs. Above a very recent drawing from Indexed:

Below: An older drawing from The Gaping Void

What did you learn this year?Similar Posts:

Remember Who You Are

Bobbi Newman — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:44:01 +0000

download a hi-res version on his site

It can be hard to remember who you are. I don’t mean your name or where you live, I mean who you are deep down inside.

We are all so busy, with events rushing by and people whirling around us, its easy to lose track of yourself. But it’s when you are distracted from who you really are that you most need the solid foundation of you.

When I saw the new logo from Hugh at gapingvoid it really struck home with me. It seems so simple, yet it is so easy to forget, some times we need a reminder.Similar Posts:

What Libraries Should Know Before Creating a Facebook Page – Libraries & Facebook Update 2

Bobbi Newman — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:03:18 +0000

Otherswise known as : I Was Wrong

My orginal warning about creating a Facebook page is still correct, the update I posted was inaccurate. I’d like to thank Elizabeth for sharing what she discovered when she created a Facebook page after my last post on Libraries and Facebook.

The new “create a page for a celebrity, band or business” link allows you to create a page using a business account.

I don’t have a Facebook account. Can I still create a Page?
Yes, you can do so by creating a Business Account. To get started, you will need to first create a Facebook Page. To start this process, please click here. Once you’ve entered in the required information, you will be asked to log in to an existing Facebook account, or create a new one. If you do not currently have a Facebook account, please select ‘I do not have a Facebook account.’ You will then need to enter your email address and date of birth. Please be aware that managing multiple accounts is a violation of Facebook’s Terms of Use. If we determine that an individual has more than one account, we reserve the right to terminate all of their accounts.

So what is the difference between a business account and a personal account?

Business accounts are designed for individuals who only want to use the site to administer Pages and their ad campaigns. For this reason, business accounts do not have the same functionality as personal accounts. Business accounts have limited access to information on the site. An individual with a business account can view all the Pages and Social Ads that they have created, however they will not be able to view the profiles of users on the site or other content on the site that does not live on the Pages they administer. In addition, business accounts cannot be found in search and cannot send or receive friend requests.

Unfortunately that business account is still tied to the page as the primary administrator. Meaning you can not remove yourself. You can promote other people to admin status but they can not remove you.

How can I transfer Page admin rights?

There is currently no way to take away admin status from the creator of a Page. However, Page admins can add or remove other admins by following these steps:

Click the “Edit Page” link below the Page’s photo. .

On the right hand side, click the “Add” link in the Admin section.

Select the friend you would like to add an admin.

Just to reiterate what this means for libraries (or any other organization) -

If the original creator leaves the organization for any reason, there is no way to remove them. (You could try to contact Facebook, but if you’ve ever done that you know how that works.) Do you really want someone who no longer works for you to have control over your page? What if they were fired, or quit in a huff? I know, in an ideal world no one would ever leave and we’d all live happily everafter, but it does happen sometimes.

Remember it’s against Facebooks ToS to have multiple accounts, doing so could lead to the cancelation of all of your accounts. So what to do? Each library will have to make that decision individually but at least know what you’re getting into.

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I’m not narcisitic, you’re eavesdropping

Bobbi Newman — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:59:56 +0000

In many of the articles I read about the Social Web, especially Twitter, the author laments that they don’t care that I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch, or what I thought of the latest American Idol. I’ve long felt that these writers are missing the point and this week I came across two sources that articulate this better than I could have.

The first is Clay Shirky’s book Here Comes Everybody, he makes the point that with new advances in technology people mistake broadcasting media (1 to many) for communications media (1to 1). New tools allow people to use broadcasting media for communication. He gives this example – if you read a blog of someone you don’t know and see that they got wasted last night and today when shopping for clothes you think what’s the point? Who cares? Yet if you went to a food court in a mall and eavesdropped on the same conversation it would be clear that you are the weird one. We’re so used to the old web that we think if we can read it, it’s targeted towards us and with the new Social Web this just don’t hold true anymore.

The second is this article from The New York Time Magazine.

“It’s an aggregate phenomenon,” Marc Davis, a chief scientist at Yahoo and former professor of information science at the University of California at Berkeley, told me. “No message is the single-most-important message. It’s sort of like when you’re sitting with someone and you look over and they smile at you. You’re sitting here reading the paper, and you’re doing your side-by-side thing, and you just sort of let people know you’re aware of them.” Yet it is also why it can be extremely hard to understand the phenomenon until you’ve experienced it. Merely looking at a stranger’s Twitter or Facebook feed isn’t interesting, because it seems like blather. Follow it for a day, though, and it begins to feel like a short story; follow it for a month, and it’s a novel.

Both of these illustrated the point that just because you can read it, doesn’t mean it’s intended for you. If you precieve something as blather, you’re probably not the target audience. This is a new occurrence that has developed with social web tools. The line between what’s public and private becomes blurred. If you come across the blog of someone you don’t know and start reading it are you violating their privacy? It’s out there for anyone to read. What if they only started writing it to keep their family updated, and you’re not the intended audience?Similar Posts: